


stupid cupid (you're a real mean guy)

by caramelle



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Detectives, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 09:03:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12701679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelle/pseuds/caramelle
Summary: Jyn Erso has never been a busybody. Despite that, she simplycannotdo nothing about the situation staring her in the face.However, she absolutelyrefusesto butt into other people's affairs all on her own — and that's where Cassian comes in.Or, the one where Jyn decides it's about time someone set Han and Leia up, but not without the aid of one Cassian Andor.





	stupid cupid (you're a real mean guy)

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a dang minute since i've let myself revisit the rebelcaptain pit but lmao who'm i kidding. i never left
> 
>  
> 
> (title from the Connie Francis song but lbr we're all only familiar with the Mandy Moore version from The Princess Diaries)

 

 

 

Jyn Erso has never been a busybody.

 

In fact, she likes to think she's always been relatively good at minding her own business. Better than most people, even.

 

Despite all that, she simply cannot do _nothing_ about the situation staring her in the face.

 

However, she absolutely _refuses_ to butt into other people's affairs all on her own — and that's where Cassian comes in.

 

"What do you mean, you can't do this alone?"

 

She blinks calmly at him from across the booth they're currently seated in. "I mean, I physically _cannot_ do this on my own."

 

He gives her a bemused look, one hand loosely curled around his beer mug. He's the only one in the entire precinct who's willing to drink with her before sundown — just one of the many things that makes him one of the few people whose company she would willingly, actively seek out on a non-professional basis.

 

"No, I mean," he says, one brow raised, "why do you have to do this at all?"

 

She narrows her eyes at him. "Aren't you sick of this shit?"

 

His forehead creases in confusion. "What shit?"

 

She huffs impatiently, waving at the empty air. "Those two? Dancing around each other all the time? Like fucking _arseholes_?"

 

He tilts his head. "I thought you liked Prosecutor Organa."

 

"I _do,_ " she says through gritted teeth. "Which is why I'm trying to _help_ her."

 

" _You're_ trying to help her," he repeats, his tone perfectly balanced between amused and dubious.

 

She rolls her eyes. Sure, she's not exactly known for going out of her way to be charitable... but he doesn't have to say it like _that._

 

"Solo's an arsehole. No arguments from anyone." She fidgets, suddenly uncomfortable. "But, I don't know. He's less of an arsehole with her. Or whatever."

 

It would probably take a professional fucking linguist to parse her meaning, because it's hard to see how Han Solo is _less_ of an asshole with Leia Organa. To anyone else, it would be the complete opposite, judging from Solo's constant brazen remarks and provocative attempts at riling the poised, pristine prosecutor up. He's even gone as far as slinging an arm around the woman's shoulders, a cheesy smirk taking up the entirety of his handsome face. In nearly two years at the precinct, Jyn's _never_ seen Leia Organa so much as brush elbows with anyone. It was one of those times that made her wonder if there truly was a difference between bravery and stupidity.

 

But if anyone else would have noticed how Solo's closed case rate has also gone up over the last twelve months, it's Cassian. Barely anyone else would have picked up on Solo's significant improvement with paperwork filing, either. Admittedly, he's still past deadline a good forty percent of the time, but at least he _submits_ his shit now.

 

(As for the third thing, Jyn's not sure if Cassian had noticed the way Leia Organa _hadn't_ bothered to shrug Han's arm off _right away_ — but that's probably a discussion for another time.)

 

Honestly, if it were anyone else, _Jyn_ herself would barely have noticed all these things. Turns out it's hard not to pay attention when the situation concerns one's own partner.

 

Unless you're Cassian Andor, that is. _Nothing_ escapes your notice when you're Cassian Andor.

 

He frowns at her now, squinting over the rim of his beer glass. "Okay. So what exactly are you planning to do?"

 

She squares her shoulders, pressing her mouth into a grim line. "I'm going to set them up."

 

Silence falls over the booth.

 

"It's probably best if you lighten up when saying that," Cassian offers tactfully. "I mean, with that face and all, it sounded less like a matchmaking ploy and more like you were gonna frame them for murder."

 

She sighs heavily, shoulders sagging. "Fuck."

 

 

* * *

 

 

In all seriousness, Jyn supposes that on some weird level, she and Cassian _are_ pretty close.

 

They don't work together all that often — she's partnered up with Han, and he's a sergeant. Truth be told, she'd never really expected them to work well together either, seeing as he's practically Captain Draven's golden boy. But over the handful of times they've been thrown together over the last couple of years, she's surprised to find that she actually _enjoys_ working with him.

 

In the five extra years of experience he has on her, he's evidently mastered the art of remaining clinical and impassive, a useful skill she's admittedly struggled with ever since she got her detective's badge. She's good at finding leads and following up on them; he's got a knack for connecting the dots. He's definitely better in an interrogation room, but they're both well aware that she's far more useful in giving chase or directly engaging with a perp than he is. Sometimes she jokes that all the increased paperwork that comes with his sergeant rank has made him soft. He merely smiles, and tells her that she's just much better in a fight than he is or will ever be.

 

Either way, she was not expecting them to complement each other this well.

 

Don't get her wrong. She still likes working with Han. (When he's not being a massive _dick,_ that is. But then again, she can be a massive dick, too.) But it's a different vibe altogether. She and Han are cut from the same cloth. They _understand_ each other.

 

But she and Cassian are like two jigsaw puzzles coming together, fitting just right.

 

There's really no one better she could have chosen to help her get her partner fixed up with the woman of his romantically incompetent dreams.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It's a little sticky working out the actual plans for _planning._

 

Cassian's the one who eventually points out that between their unpredictable shift schedules, their best bet is to discuss things over lunch. They get a full hour of uninterrupted time, _and_ they can leave the precinct altogether, so they don't have to huddle up in the break room where over-attentive eyes and ears might pick up on what they're doing. (They _do_ work in a station full of detectives, as Cassian wryly points out.)

 

Kay from forensics gives them a mildly disapproving look the first day they head out for lunch, hovering in the threshold of his lab to peer at them through his thick black glasses.

 

"We eat lunch together most of the time," Cassian says by way of apologetic explanation once they're in the elevator.

 

"Oh. Right." Jyn's never really given too much thought to the lunch habits of her colleagues. She and Han have a _very_ loose system when it comes to break times, content to eat with any group that happens to be in the break room or happens to invite them along as they're heading out. It's not uncommon for them to split up and join different groups, or just eat alone. Although, come to think of it, Cassian and Kay _are_ practically lunch buddies.

 

"I already told him I'd be heading out for today," Cassian says. "He'll probably join up with Bodhi or Chirrut. Nothing to worry about."

 

She feigns a scoff. "Like I'd worry about _him._ "

 

That makes Cassian smile. It's no secret that she and Kay would waste away the entire workday bickering heatedly about everything under the sun if they had their way.

 

_Kay join you guys for lunch today?_ she texts Bodhi when Cassian's distracted with firing up the ignition on his car.

 

_Yeah we just ordered pizza,_ he texts back right away. _Where are you?_

 

She glances at Cassian, his features relaxed into easy concentration as he pulls them out of the parking lot. _Cassian and I felt like going out,_ she types out. No reason to lie about _that._

 

_OK lmk if you want me to save you guys a slice,_ Bodhi tells her.

 

"So," Cassian says, turning onto the street, "where're we headed?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day is a Thursday, which means one thing.

 

"Nervous?" Jyn tosses out in lieu of a greeting when she arrives at her desk, whipping her motorcycle jacket off.

 

"About _what,_ " Han scoffs back — but it's ever so slightly strained.

 

She smirks. "T-minus two hours until your _princess_ arrives."

 

"She's not _my_ princess," he mutters. Jyn takes great pleasure in noting that he doesn't quite manage to meet her eye.

 

Leia Organa arrives promptly at eleven for her weekly meeting with Chief Draven.

 

"Detective Erso," she says, pausing by Jyn's desk on her way to the chief's office. "Good work on the Ponta case. Ms. Ponta sends her gratitude."

 

"Thank you, Prosecutor," Jyn says smoothly, deliberately not paying Han any attention as he pretends not to watch them. "I just hope that she and her son can rest easy now."

 

"They most certainly can," Leia says with a small smile. "All thanks to you."

 

Jyn clears her throat, spinning away from her desk to lean sideways against it, one elbow propped on the edge. The picture of casualness. "Well, I can't very well claim all the credit. Couldn't have tracked down the smuggling ring without Solo over here." She cocks her head lazily, purposefully ignoring Han's head popping up. "His connections were a big help."

 

Leia's spine straightens. She shifts her weight from one leg to the other, both hands grasping the handle of her sleek briefcase. "Yes, well. I'm all too aware of Detective Solo's... _connections._ "

 

Out of the corner of Jyn's eye, Han bristles. _Jackpot._

 

"Well, _excuse me,_ Your Worship," he drawls, pointing his pen at Leia. "But I didn't seem to hear any complaints when my _connections_ got you new leads on your last three cases."

 

Leia rolls her eyes, turning slightly to acknowledge his presence. "I suppose you'd like a fruit basket for your trouble?" she asks, her voice dripping sarcasm.

 

"I hear peaches are in season," he returns, a smug grin stretched across his face.

 

She shoots him a look of disdain. "I'm surprised you'd know about anything that doesn't involve the risk of a shootout."

 

Colour rushes into Han's cheeks. "I could surprise you with the _things_ I know about, princess!"

 

"Some other time, perhaps," Leia retorts dryly, lifting her arm to make a pointed glance at her watch. "I'm late for my meeting."

 

And with that, she spins neatly on her heel and strides off, leaving Han red-faced and sputtering in her wake.

 

"Why, I— that little— _pfft_!" Han gives a violent shake of his head, and whirls back around to bend over his paperwork, muttering furiously to himself.

 

Jyn just barely manages to suppress her grin, already looking forward to telling Cassian all about the encounter over lunch.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After four lunches, the good news is that they've narrowed in on the main issue: Han and Leia just haven't had any time to be _alone_ together.

 

The bad news is that even after four lunches, they haven't quite figured out how to remedy that particular problem.

 

"We could lock them in the interrogation room. Pretend the door knob's busted."

 

Cassian's nose wrinkles. "We don't have any suspects on deck for interrogation."

 

"We could lock them in the bathroom. The handicapped one by the lifts."

 

Cassian cocks his head. "Maybe we should think _outside_ the locking-them-up-in-a-tiny-space box."

 

Jyn huffs, stirring her coffee violently. She pauses, looking up at him with a pointed raise of her brow.

 

He instantly groans. "Jyn, for the _last_ time, you _cannot_ chloroform your partner."

 

"Just a _little_ bit," she argues. "Just enough to knock him out for, like, a minute!"

 

"Where would you even _get_ chloroform?"

 

She shrugs vaguely. "I know a guy."

 

"Of course you do." He sighs, looking at her over the edge of his own coffee mug. "You _do_ know it's _illegal,_ right?"

 

She waves a dismissive hand. "I'm a _cop,_ Cassian."

 

"You _do_ know that doesn't mean you can do illegal things, right?" he persists.

 

She rolls her eyes. "Fine, no chloroform. What, then?"

 

There's a long pause. The humdrum buzz of the diner seeps into their booth, low voices and the clink of forks on plates surrounding them. Someone's yelling something in the kitchen, faint and muffled. The coffee maker bubbles away behind the counter.

 

Finally, Cassian heaves a defeated sigh. "Who's your guy, anyway?"

 

"It's _illegal,_ Sergeant," she mocks, kicking lightly at his shin under the table.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Han Solo is acting weird.

 

This generally wouldn't bother her. Han Solo's behaviour on the whole has never really been described as 'normal'.

 

It _does_ bother her now because he's already occupying her mind even when they're not working — that is, when she and Cassian are busy trying to work out how to get him and Leia Organa together. (That part's not _technically_ his fault, but it doesn't make the thought of him any less annoying now.)

 

" _What,_ " she finally bites out, not bothering to look up from her work.

 

Christ. She doesn't even have to _see_ his face to know he's waggling his brows from across their joined desks. "Have a good lunch?"

 

She casts him the barest glance. "Super. Yourself?"

 

He shrugs, wearing an expression that's far too gleeful for his faux relaxed pose on his chair, one elbow cocked backwards and resting atop the back of it like he's about to start singing 'Greased Lightning'. "Oh, yeah. Chewie's a great date, but nowhere near as handsome as yours."

 

She does look up then. "What."

 

He gives her this gesture that involves jutting his chin out at an angle — the one he does whenever he thinks he's being particularly cool or smooth. In her opinion, makes him look like a blind chicken. "You and Sarge, eh?"

 

She actually drops her pen. It clatters to her desk, the sound ringing flat. " _What._ "

 

Han leans forward, giving her this irksome expression that makes her feel like a cab driver who's just been told to keep the change. "Come on. Five lunches in eight days? You guys really aren't trying to keep it a secret, are ya?"

 

A thousand comebacks flash up in her mind's eye, but for some reason, her vocal cords aren't _quite_ working. She just ends up _staring_ at him, mouth half open and tongue dry.

 

Han stands up, swiping up his empty coffee mug with a shit-eating grin. "For the record, I think you two make the _cutest_ couple."

 

"Shut up," she manages to shoot back, eyes narrowing. Not her best, but it's the only answer she could come up with within a reasonable timeframe of a few milliseconds.

 

He just _laughs, annoyingly_ smug and hearty. "Hey," he says, eyes still crinkling as he grabs her own empty cup, "lemme get you a refill there, partner."

 

She glares daggers into his back all throughout his journey to the break room. He doesn't give a single fuck and practically _giggles_ his way there, attracting looks from both Luke and Bodhi.

 

"Motherfucker," she breathes, both fists clenched.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The second Kay and Chewie depart from the break room, she turns to Cassian, hands on her hips. "We're doing this now," she announces.

 

He blinks, coffee mug still halfway to his lips. "That's an aggressive attitude to take regarding lunch."

 

She snorts, momentarily distracted. "Have you _met_ me?"

 

"Good point." He sets his cup down. "I assume this isn't actually about lunch?"

 

She glances about, making sure they're well and truly alone. "No," she says steadily, leaning closer just in case. "It's about that _case_ we've been working on."

 

He turns so that he's facing her, his hip propped against the counter — a perfect mirror image of her. "Ah, yes. _That_ case. You have a plan of action?"

 

She shifts closer. "I have a plan of action. I'll… _brief_ you over lunch."

 

He nods, and she definitely doesn't notice how the slight crook of his nose somehow makes his eyes look  _browner._ "Looking forward to it, Detective."

 

"Looking forward to what?"

 

They each spring a step back from each other, both their heads whipping round as Luke Skywalker waltzes through the doorway.

 

_Shit,_ Jyn thinks furiously, glancing at Cassian. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for Prosecutor Organa's _brother_ to figure out what they're up to before they get a chance to do it.

 

"That report Detective Erso is due for," Cassian says smoothly, barely missing a beat. "The one on the Ponta case."

 

"Oh," Luke says, clearly losing interest. The Ponta case is relatively small pickings — nowhere near enough to hold the enthusiasm of the freshly minted detective. "Okay, cool."

 

Evidently, Luke Skywalker sauntering out of the break room right on their heels isn't enough to convince Han that she and Cassian were _not,_ in fact, just making out in the fucking _staff lounge_ on _precinct time._

 

"I mean, hey, we all got needs," Han says, both hands held up in front of him. She'd like to grab hold of both thumbs and snap them backwards.

 

"All I _need_ is for you to shut up," she says shortly, before deliberately turning her chair away from him.

 

This is the last fucking time she ever tries to help _him._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Cassian glances at her. "You're _sure_ about this?"

 

She nods resolutely. "Positive. It's the only way."

 

His expression sombers. "Someone could end up dead."

 

She snorts. "With any luck, it'll be Han."

 

He sniggers. "Between him and Leia, she's certainly not the one I'm worried about." Pulling out his phone, he unlocks the display and checks the message already typed out on the screen. He looks at her and raises his phone. "Ready?"

 

She lifts her own phone, thumb hovering over the 'Send Message' button. "Ready."

 

 

* * *

 

 

There's something Jyn has always enjoyed about the night shift. Sometimes it gets busy, but more often than not, the precinct is quieter than it is in the daytime. Sometimes it's almost peaceful.

 

More importantly, there are fewer people about — making it easier for her and Cassian to trap an unsuspecting detective and a skeptical prosecutor on the rooftop all by themselves.

 

"And — go," she says, breathless, and Cassian starts the timer on his watch accordingly.

 

"I can't believe she fell for it," he says, turning to face her in the dim stairwell. The plan had been for Jyn to invite Leia up to the rooftop for a chat about needing the lawyer's help with a personal affair. It was easy enough to get Han there — one quick message from Cassian about needing him to cover for Baze on the night shift, and it was just a matter of waiting for Han to go on one of his hourly smoke breaks.

 

"She didn't," Jyn says dryly. "I told her Han was on his twelfth cig of the day. She stormed up there all by herself."

 

A grin lights up his face. He opens his mouth to say something, but he's immediately cut off by a loud banging from the door at the top of the stairs.

 

"Hey!" Leia's voice is muffled, the words barely audible through the heavy metal of the door. "Hey! Somebody open this door!"

 

Sounds of a minor scuffle echo faintly in the stairwell. "Goddamn knob's busted." Han, sounding particularly irritated. More hollow bangs on the door. "Hey, can anyone hear me? The goddamn door knob's busted!"

 

Jyn cuts an urgent glance at Cassian. "Han's phone?"

 

"On his desk. Leia's?"

 

"In her purse."

 

Exchanging nods, they turn their attention back to the argument going on behind the door.

 

A sharp scoff sounds, and Jyn can practically see Leia's eyes rolling. "Nice going."

 

There's a slight pause that makes her think Han's jaw might be have dropped melodramatically. "Oh, we're blaming this on _me_?"

 

Leia's impatient growl is recognisable even through two inches of steel. "I'm not the one who had to come up here and imbibe _cancer itself_ directly into his lungs."

 

"Oh, yeah? Well, _I'm_ not the one who has to stick her nose into..."

 

Their voices fade off into an unintelligible hum, footsteps padding away from the door. They must be moving away from the door, seeking an alternative way off the roof — an alternative Jyn made sure to check was non-existent.

 

She exhales. "They'll run out of steam in about five minutes. They'll _have_ to talk to each other then."

 

Cassian shrugs, lowering himself down to sit on a stair. "Some would say they're already talking."

 

She purses her lips. "They have a go at each other all the time," she says slowly, moving over to him. "But I think that's only so they can avoid actually _talking_ to each other."

 

He cocks his head at her. "Why do you think that is?"

 

"I don't know," she says instantly. She has a bit of a tendency to get defensive whenever the conversation turns towards feelings — even if they're not her own.

 

"But why do you _think_?" Cassian persists. "You know Han. You know Leia. You must have _some_ opinion on it."

 

She pauses, considering it. After a long moment, she sighs, and takes a seat next to him.

 

"I think," she says, fingers laced together in front of her, "it's easier than dealing with how you really feel about someone. Easier to distract yourself, that is. You can pretend to hate them instead. Pick fights. Act like you don't care."

 

Cassian hums — and then adds, "Focus on other people's problems instead of your own."

 

She stiffens. And then she turns to look at him, her breath hitching in her throat.

 

His mouth curves in a wry smile, but his eyes are soft and intense all at once, the heat of his gaze burning into hers. "I have a confession," he says, his voice low.

 

She swallows. "Me too."

 

His brow lifts. "Do… do you wanna go first, or—"

 

"I didn't just do this for Han," she blurts out. "Or for Leia." She pauses, shaking her head. "I mean, I _want_ them to sort things out, I do, but" —she swallows again, recklessly decides _fuck it,_ and leans in closer— "that's not the only reason why I asked you to do this."

 

Cassian laughs softly, but the light in his eyes would be enough to make her knees weak if she weren't already sitting down. "It's not the only reason why I agreed."

 

 

* * *

 

 

They end up leaving their temporary captives trapped up there for a few minutes longer than originally planned.

 

Jyn can't find it in herself to be sorry for it. Especially not for the way she got to spend those extra minutes, acquainting herself with the feel of Cassian's hair on her fingertips, the warmth of his mouth on hers, the rough heat of his hands under her shirt, fanning over the bare skin of her waist. He'd even snuck an extra kiss while they were fixing their clothes, smiling against her lips when she'd stolen another in retaliation.

 

Eventually, they pull open the door to the sight of Han and Leia jumping apart, both of them looking significantly flushed and their clothes suspiciously rumpled.

 

"Well, it's about _time,_ " Han practically yelps. The accusatory effect he's obviously shooting for is somewhat ruined by him trying to discreetly wipe at the lipstick smudged across his mouth.

 

"We thought you'd both gone missing," Cassian says innocently. Next to him, Jyn struggles to maintain her expression of mild concern.

 

"Yes, well, your facilities need to be better maintained," Leia snaps, the sharpness in her tone diluted by her distracted attempts to comb her tousled hair back into place with her fingers. "We could have been stuck up here all night."

 

"Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Jyn says, as vaguely as she can manage.

 

"I'm getting out of this run-down rust bucket," Leia announces, charging right through Jyn and Cassian with a huff. "Before I get trapped in the elevator next."

 

Han's mouth falls open, his feet already following her path. "You should be so lucky to spend that kinda quality time in this _run-down rust bucket!_ "

 

They listen to the sounds of familiar bickering trailing all the way down the stairwell, the neat click of Leia's heels contrasting to the heavy thud of Han's boots.

 

Cassian smiles wryly at her. "I guess some things never change."

 

She can't help but smile right back, her hand reaching out to slip into his. "And yet, some things do."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to drop a kudos/comment if it strikes ya fancy!
> 
> the strongest stars have blogs on [tumblr](http://mellamymake.tumblr.com)


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